What does your mate need to say in order for you to feel he or she has truly apologized to you and made peace? Since I’ve been little, I’ve felt the need to hear someone say, “I’m sorry about forgetting to call you, will you forgive me?” And then I get to respond and in my mind, the situation has been resolved. Since entering the adult world, I’ve found out that not everyone apologizes this way…
Gary Chapman, author and speaker, along with Jennifer Thomas, has written about apologizing in The Five Languages of Apology. I have not read this book yet, but I have taken the inventory he had created for people to learn their “apology language.” As I had thought, my top score was “Request Forgiveness,” followed up by the other four categories: Genuinely repent, make restitution, express regret, and accept responsibility.
After a person has hurt us, it helps if we can reconnect and add love to the relationship. This brings us to the question, how do you feel loved? Is it acts of service or physical touch? Or does someone need to give you quality time, gifts, or words of affirmation? Gary Chapman wrote another book called, The Five Love Languages, which has been teaching people how to love each other well for some time.
A point Gary makes is that we tend to try to love others through the ways we feel loved. So if you love hugs and physical touch, then you tend to give that to others around you. If you love getting a surprise present, then you tend to give amazing surprise gifts to your family, but if someone does not do that back to you, you might feel like that person does not love you. The language that love is being conveyed is not connecting and filling up the other person’s love capacity.
Knowing your love language and the language of your mate is important information if you want to go deeper with that person. And knowing your mate’s apology language will help you work through conflict in a much smoother way.
Check out these profiles and take the quizzes to find out today:
To find out your love language:
To find out how you receive an apology:
Have a love-filled Valentine’s Day. May you feel SO loved, because you are.
By M. H. Campbell