Especially after being rejected for many teaching jobs the years before, last year it was HARD to start filling out those Applitrack applications after my husband pushed me. He believed I could land another teaching job before I could.
Here’s a passage I wrote last July when I was applying to jobs and trying to figure out my negative emotions; I was answering the question, “Why is applying for teaching jobs so hard?” My answer back then: “I feel shaky inside and scared of being rejected, so it is hard to even try.
I feel split emotions—part of me wants to teach, but the other part of me wants to stay home and run, create, make things, and not be so far in the system. I’m partly distrustful of the traditional school system; I doubt myself…Can I really make a difference? Do I really want to do this?
I sure have been going on emotion a lot and following what I feel, so I’ve been mentally going up and down. I realized yesterday that I have been feeling like my Dad: That is, I have to wait till I feel “right” to do things. This is a childish way to live…it feels like I am becoming a full adult now. I’ve been fighting against the belief: Is it right for me to be a career woman and a wife? The answer I got back from Stephen, God, and the deep part of my heart is—‘Yes!’ ”
Yes, this year I HAVE made a difference at my school.
What are my thoughts now on this question: Now that I’ve taught this year, I know how fulfilling, hard, and so many more feelings in between that teaching can be. Applying for jobs, especially teaching jobs, are hard because you are being vulnerable, putting your best foot forward, and taking the risk to try to get that job—and then after you get the teaching job, you have to keep doing that in order to connect with your students. Letting people see who you are and what you can add to their work environment is risky! You have to know who you are to be able to show who you are to others and that takes being vulnerable.
Applying to jobs is mentally and emotionally challenging, but worth it because you never know if you will get the job unless you try!
P.S. The book that gave me hope and keeps on giving me hope to keep trying is the Bible. Check out a great copy here: