“Water!” demanded my two year old son yesterday morning as I was talking with my Mom on FaceTime. He said it five times, then started almost crying because he wanted to water our geraniums so much. I set the phone down facing my three month old daughter, so my Mom could talk with her while I filled our yellow watering can with water. Then my son and I put water on the dying daffodil leaves (I need to plant those outside), the tiny succulent, the big jungle plant, and then the two pink geraniums with eleven bunches of blossoms. Then my son was happy and started playing with other things, and I could continue my talk with my Mom. Just like watering those flowers consistently (because my son reminds me every day!) brings on blossoms, so choosing to do actions that give hope (even when we don’t feel like it), will grow the hopeful expectations of good in our lives.
I wish I could give you a cup of tea that would immediately fill your heart with hope; alas, there is no such tea (yet!), but I can offer you some thoughts on ways to build up the hope capacity in your heart. We are in hard times right now, and we need to develop our hope muscle more than ever to help our mental health. Here are three ways that can help you build more hope: Continue reading →
Have your years of schooling ended this spring when you
graduated? Or are your decades in the workforce ending as your retire from your
career? Both of these life-changing events are similar in that they were
something that consumed your life for years and they now have ended…you are in
a big life transition as you move to something new.
I have graduated from high school, college, and graduate
school, and even though I haven’t officially “retired,” I have left a teaching
job to stay home with my children as a homemaker (I switched careers!), so I
can relate to the strange newness that you are in or see coming on the horizon
when your current endeavor ends. Here are four actions that will help you
transition well:
Tip # 1: Finish
Strong
If you have not wrapped up the old job or graduated yet, remember that finishing strong will help have a more brilliant start to your new season. For example, as my school year ended, I needed to rely a bit more on movies as parts of my lessons, but I still stayed connected to my students. An even deeper connection happened when I told my students that I was pregnant and not coming back the next school year. I hold my homeroom of 7th graders first (and it spread across the whole school in like 15 minutes!), and there was so much happy discussion for the rest of the period (and some silly baby name suggestions, such as “Bless Schuh”). I wrote each student an encouraging note, and we had fun at the end of the year (which included pizza and brownies…) We ended well; thinking back makes me happy. If I transition back to teaching, ending on that strong note will help me start even stronger when I begin again. This can be the same for you!
We bought our new home and then found out we have another baby on the way! In fact, even before I knew I was pregnant, I was determined to paint the nursery light yellow during our time between buying the house and moving in. I got it done, and I love that it is already painted for our little one.
Then a month or so of nausea kicked in—this pregnancy is different than our last one (where I was hardly sick)! I didn’t want to eat or cook much, lost nine pounds, and wanted junk food (when I was hungry). I kept taking my vitamins, drinking lots of water, and eating some. It’s so nice to be through that stage. What was the first trimester like for you?
“Where DID his other shoe go?” I
thought as I fumbled around in the blankets and toys by my son’s car seat. The
other little white shoe, which I had already put back on his size 5 foot TWICE
during that shopping trip, did not turn up even after five minutes of looking.
My mind weighed the options: “Do I go back to Aldi to look in the parking lot?” Contrasted against, “Those shoes are getting old with lots of black scuff marks, so I can just let it go…” But then my mind protested, “Those are the easiest shoes to put on him, and I don’t have another great pair for him right now! I really want that shoe back!! God, please help me to find Joel’s shoe.”
I talked with my husband as I
dropped off a package at FedEx, even got a bit snippy because I didn’t think I
could call Aldi (they don’t have a customer service desk like large grocery
stores). My husband tried to call them, but they said you only could email the
store…
So I decided to drive the extra 15
minutes back to the store and see if I could find that shoe. The day shone with
spring brightness, so my mood came back up…
I pulled into the Aldi parking
lot, knelt on the ground to look under the cars that were parked where we had
been…to no avail…no little white sneaker…
I had given it a good go…I pulled
out of the parking lot, then onto the main road—the same route I had driven an
hour before.
Then, there on the median, in the middle of the busy road, lay Joel’s shoe!!! I almost didn’t believe it, but it had the black accent on the back—it was his shoe! I pulled two u-turns at the next two stoplights to get back to the spot and pulled over. I had to wait for traffic to go by (and I snapped a photo while I waited to run across the road), and I picked up the little shoe!! I smiled and jumped around as I showed my son his lost shoe.
Then a memory came back—I had
rolled my window down around then…and I sort of remember something hitting my
shoulder, but I hadn’t looked…then it hit me: My son had chucked his shoe over
my shoulder, from the backseat, out my window. Wow, that was a good arm—a little
shoe chucker! Wow, God answered my prayer and helped me find that shoe!!
I called my husband to tell him
the story, giggling as I said, “I found his shoe—it was in the middle of Flying
Cloud Drive…”
God cares about everything. I’m so
glad he is like that! He cares about
that shoe because I cared about it, and I am his child.
So talk to him about what is
bugging you today. He cares…even about finding a scuffed little shoe.
If you want to celebrate spring: SALE TIME!! Oh, yes, if you need spring cards for Easter, baby showers, mother’s day, graduations, weddings and more, check out my card sale over at my Etsy shop—15% off everything until Sunday night, March 31st, 2019 at midnight CST. Check it out here: Spring Card Sale!
~Mary Hope
Copyright 2019
P.S. Thank you for stopping by! I insert affiliate links, such as from Amazon, into my posts to share interesting books and products. If you buy something or start a registry, I receive income (at no extra cost to you!), for which I am thankful. So…..
The top photo is of my Dad and I in 2007 after a 5k I had run with friends. The bottom photo is at my sister’s wedding in 2013.
The transition of grief is mysterious to me. Last week I was happily driving to Bible study, then a Classical song came on the radio, which reminded me of hearing a similar piece with my Dad (who passed away last summer), and there I was –crying away. The memory of my Dad and I at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra also made me smile as I recalled how we had gotten a chocolate bar during intermission, and Dad went on to finish it during the next part of the concert—crinkly foil and all! It drove me nuts, but that is just how Dad was: he wanted to do what he wanted to do. I am thankful for his example of fearlessness and savoring the moment. Continue reading →
I heard in his voice that my husband wanted to go to the
cabin this weekend, but I didn’t really want to go. My husband is not blatantly
clear about what he wants like I am, and I’m learning to hear him when he wants
something, especially when I don’t want to do it. It is easy for me to try to
“run him over” from what he wants to do with my excuses or fear, and get him to
change his mind.
On Friday I let the fears I had about going farther north for the weekend—“What if our car goes off the road and we have a baby to protect?!” “What if it is too cold?” “What is the road isn’t plowed or we get stuck up there?” Stephen listened to me, and we kept going back and forth. Go, not go.
But then I sensed he really wanted to go, and when he
finally told me, “I want to figure out a problem that Uncle Roger is having
with the furnace, and I want alone time up there with my little family—an
adventure.” I heard him. I pushed myself to stop being afraid and just do what
my husband wanted. Then we slept on the decision, and the next morning we both
came to the same decision: “Let’s try to get to the cabin in the Prius, and if
the roads are too bad, we will come back.”
We reached a new level in our communication, and the road was
fine driving up there (not so much driving back). We did have an adventure—with
walking on the frozen lake and having to pee in a bucket because of frozen
pipes! Some of my fears DID happen—the weather got bad on the way home, so we
had a stressful end to our drive home on snowy roads.
Part of me wanted to say, “I KNEW this would happen!” But
loving my husband meant jumping into the adventure, and enjoying sitting in
front of a roaring fire and playing cribbage with him, and not saying, “I knew
this would happen” on our drive home. I love thinking of my son standing in
front of the fire with Stephen, and laughing because he loved the sound of a coaster
falling on the hearth.
A change is happening in my ability to pick up on my
husband’s needs and fulfill them even if I don’t really want to sometimes.
The transition of learning to be more outward focused (picking up clues of what others want and are telling without saying the words) instead of being inward focused has taken years for me to learn. Recently a book that has helped me continue on with this journey is the book, Everybody, Always by Bob Goff.
Bob’s book is a collage of stories of different people who
are loving others well and that he is learning from: Ugandan witch doctors,
airport checkpoint guys, his neighbor… He drives home the point, which is the
tagline of the book, “Becoming love in a world full of setbacks and difficult
people.”
It’s easy to love those who love us, but Bob is showing us
how to love those people who are hard to love. For example, he tells of a phone
call received from an inmate (a wrong number actually), and Bob decides to show
love to this man who keeps calling him because he thinks Bob’s number is his
girlfriend’s number. Bob helps the man connect with his girlfriend, who has now
moved on, and then finds out the inmate needs money for an ankle bracelet in
order to get out of prison. Bob tells the man that he will pay for it (which it
turned out to be a lot more expensive than he thought!), and shows the inmate
care, right when he needed it.
Bob says, “These pages contain the stories of some of my friends and what they’ve taught me about extravagant love and acceptance. I’m indebted to each one. The first thing I’ve learned from them is that I have a long way to be the kind of loving person I’m hoping I’ll be some day. The second is that only the kind of radical love and acceptance I’ve experienced from this will help me close the distance”
My favorite chapter was when Bob describes how he borrowed
someone’s small plane to fly to an event he was attending, and when he was returning
home one of the lights that indicates his wheels are down for landing didn’t
turn on when it was supposed to. He circled the landing strip for a long time,
then decided to just take the risk and land (or he was going to just run out of
gas). He prepared to crash because you cannot land with just one wheel…but he
didn’t! He had both wheels out down there—it was the light that was faulty.
Then Bob makes the application that has helped me:
“Recognize when your beautiful ambitions are getting stuck inside your head. You don’t need to take all the steps, just the next one. God may not give us all the green lights we want, but I’m confident He gives us all the green lights He wants us to have at the time. Go with what you’ve got. If God wants you to stay put, He’ll let you know. We also have some guaranteed green lights that are always on: our noble desires; God’s clear instructions in the Bible to love everybody, always; His love for us; and the gift of each other. You can put a lot of weight on these and triangulate from there to figure out the rest of life’s unknowns. The difference between the number of green lights we want and the number we get from God is a pretty good description of what faith is. Faith isn’t knowing what we can’t see; it’s landing the plane anyway, rather than circling the field. Get the plane on the ground” (p. 94 of Everybody, Always). I don’t have to have all the possible problems figured out before I do something! Yes, there could be snow on the roads and that could cause trouble, but I didn’t need to let that fear stop me from doing something that turned out to be pretty fun! Take risks. Just love people.
This book is helping me take more risks in loving people,
and I’m so glad I read it. It’s the kind of book that makes you want to give
your copy away instead of just letting it sit on the shelf.
I’m glad I finished this book this week, the day we were discussing going to the cabin or not. Our cabin adventure brought Bob’s point home—we will have setbacks, frozen pipes, slippery roads, but God’s love can help us love the people around us well.
What tips do you have on learning to be more others focused?
~Mary Hope
Copyright 2019
P.S. Thank you for stopping by! I insert affiliate links, such as from Amazon, into my posts to share interesting books and products. If you buy something or start a registry, I receive income (at no extra cost to you!), for which I am thankful. So…..
I’ve been fired. I’ve lost friendships. I’ve gotten dumped. Some life transitions have been hard for me; such as becoming an adult and financially taking care of myself! Learning how to date took me till I was thirty to start! Continue reading →
2018 has been sweet (baby smiles), salty (tears), achy (from moving), satisfying (from making a home together in a new place), and invigorating (from serving at a new Bible study group!)
The sweetness of seeing a baby grow and flourish in front of you is better than I even hoped! Sometimes Joel’s blue eyes sparkle when I come in to see him after his nap. He likes turning my head to look and see if I have earrings on. First he started rolling across the room in the summer, then he switched to crawling with one peg-leg or “crab” crawl. Now he is a quick crawler and is practicing standing without holding onto anything. He loves playing in the kitchen and exploring the pots and pantry items. Yesterday he was making a drum out of a big soup pot. At 13 months he is able to balance without holding anything, and he has tried to take one step between his walker and a freezer; running will be in the near future! This year sweetness also came through getting to help a friend with the labor of her third baby. Babies are such a blessing Continue reading →
What’s better than crisp rice treats?!? Rice crispy trees!!! We had a woodland themed birthday party for our one year old, and I had to make some tree treats.
This morning my son pulled one of my cards out of the box and wanted to look at it. He liked how flexible it was, and tried crumpling it up before I took a couple of photos of him and then rescued the card! I’m happy to see that he is interested in cards already (or it might have been the shiny cover).
I’ve made cards all through my pregnancy with him, and now all through his first year. Talking walks with him out in nature has been inspiring me to make new cards this whole year. Seeing him enjoying the pictures and the paper brings me joy!
Need any cards? Today is a big sale over at my Etsy shop Trees of Transition Art & Design—30% off today (November 26th, 2018) and I’m offering free shipping in the USA right now! I’ve been trying out hand lettered cards, so I have Thank you, Merry Christmas, and I love you versions of those right now. I also have many photography cards from around the USA, Costa Rica, and more.
On November 14th, my son turned one!! We went to our Bible study like usual, but we started the morning out with a balloon and a birthday gift, a plastic airplane with a propeller that he loves spinning.
Then I made his favorite dinner—chicken soup. And since he hasn’t eaten cake yet, we put a candle in a banana and sang, “Happy Birthday” to him, and he loved it. Continue reading →